Camp Rewind Page 7

  Good. Anything was better than paralysis.

  Chapter Six

  Whatever sheepishness Rosa might have felt about her decision to smuggle two pancakes concealed in paper towel, a banana, and a not-so-easily hidden bottle of apple juice out of the cafeteria evaporated in a flash when she finally spotted Alice slinking around the periphery of the dining hall at least ten minutes after the last camper had bused his own table and left. Worried that Alice hadn’t yet eaten and wouldn’t have a chance before the cafeteria workers finished putting everything away, she’d taken the few items of food with her despite being wholly uncertain about whether Alice was still on the premises.

  Though Rosa had wound up accepting Bree’s breakfast invitation after all, even engaging in some friendly banter and an innocuous round of girl-watching, the mystery of Alice’s whereabouts absolutely consumed her throughout the entire meal. She’d experienced wave after wave of sorrow and regret at the possibility that Alice might have actually left Camp Rewind, and her life, for good.

  Now, having caught sight of familiar dark hair and those pretty, lonely eyes lingering behind a towering redwood tree, Rosa exhaled as soul-stirring relief swept through her body. Weak-kneed, she couldn’t hold back the joyous grin that exploded across her face.

  How ridiculous to feel any of this about a potential, casual, summer fling. Unfortunately, her head had a terrible track record when it came to swaying her heart from wherever it decided to scamper.

  Afraid that Alice might run away again if she didn’t hurry up and acknowledge her presence, Rosa called out, “I missed you at breakfast. Do you like pancakes?”

  Alice went completely still, her temptation to flee painfully obvious, painted across her face like a tattoo. But rather than engage in a repeat performance of that morning, she nodded and mumbled something Rosa couldn’t hear. Taking that as permission to approach, Rosa closed the distance between them as quickly as she dared, before Alice could disappear. She put on her kindest face, unhappily aware that all the progress they’d made toward a tentative friendship seemed to have vanished now that the sun was up. Cautiously, she offered Alice the pancakes, banana, and juice. When Alice accepted the food with a soft, grateful murmur, Rosa asked, “Did you already eat?”

  Alice shook her head. “Thanks.” The word came out in a bare whisper. “I’m sorry.”

  They really were right back where they’d started. “I thought we said no apologies?”

  Alice’s nose crinkled up like she might cry. “Yes, but I am. Sorry.”

  “All right.” Reluctant to overstep, Rosa only barely resisted the urge to touch Alice’s arm, or give her a hug, or offer some physical comfort to erase the sadness from her eyes. “It really is, Alice. It’s all right. You needed time to regroup. That’s fair, and I get it. No offense taken.”

  “I freaked out when I woke up and we…” Alice held her breakfast in her hands, staring down at the food without any real interest or hunger in her expression. “I just…really wasn’t myself last night.”

  “Oh, I don’t know. You don’t think that was simply ‘Alice, relaxed’?” Rosa exhaled, remembering how they’d walked back to the cabin pressed against one another in an effort to share their meager body heat. “Whoever she was, I liked her. A lot.”

  Alice snorted quietly. “I think that was more like ‘Alice, incredibly stoned.’”

  “Maybe a little of that, too.” Rosa studied Alice’s expression, trying to decide whether she was offering a simple apology or if this was some kind of brush-off. Her stomach twisted at the thought that it might be the latter. “Do you regret last night?” She wasn’t entirely sure what part of their evening she was asking about. Sharing the joint, holding hands, swimming? The unexpectedly emotional embrace in the lake? That kiss? Perhaps Alice only regretted that they’d shared a bed in a place where others could see. “I’ll understand if you do.”

  And it would break her heart.

  Alice could no longer meet her eyes. “Not exactly.”

  “Then…” Rosa ducked her head so that Alice had no choice but to look at her. “Do you want to find somewhere private to sit and chat while you eat?”

  Alice, flushed, hesitated a moment before nodding. “All right.”

  Careful not to allow Alice’s uncertainty to infect her, Rosa mustered her most confident grin. “Should we look for a spot near the water or find a secluded little patch of forest for ourselves?”

  A group of three women and two men came into view as though summoned by the question, beach towels slung over their shoulders as they sauntered down the path toward the lake. Alice watched them with an expression of dread, then turned back to Rosa, wide-eyed. “Somewhere secluded is good.”

  Rosa tried to prevent her dirty mind from taking an extremely inappropriate flight of fancy at Alice’s words, but it was impossible. She wanted to kiss this woman again, to touch her, to eventually make her comfortable enough to open up, literally and figuratively, and let Rosa inside. Though her instant attraction to Alice’s symmetrical, well-proportioned features and oh-so-soft body wasn’t at all mysterious, she had no logical explanation for her overall obsession with a woman she barely knew. Especially one who played so hard to get. Perhaps she was intrigued by the challenge Alice presented?

  Rosa didn’t think that was the real explanation, but it was less dangerous than the other possibilities. Far less.

  Alice was staring at her. “Lila? Do you know a place?”

  Startled to realize she hadn’t been paying attention, then overcome with guilt at the sound of her fake name falling so naturally from Alice’s gorgeous lips, Rosa blurted out, “We’ll find one.” Face hot, she swiveled and took off in a random direction before Alice noticed how flustered she was, hopeful that she’d follow.

  They walked past the archery range, caught a glimpse of the horse stables just as a mare was being led out into a small paddock, then eventually reached the edge of the complex of camp buildings. Dense redwood forest stretched out in front of them, swallowing up two well-trod paths that branched off in opposite directions. Alice glanced over her shoulder at the stables as they approached the trail on the left, as though afraid they might never find their way back. Sensing her concern, Rosa said, “We won’t go far, and I won’t get us lost. Promise.”

  Alice met and held her eyes for the first time since they’d woken up together. “I trust you.”

  “I hope so.” Rosa prayed she looked and sounded as sincere as she honestly felt. “I really want you to.”

  They stepped into the woods, Rosa in the lead. Behind her, Alice cleared her throat. “Why?”

  “Pardon?” Preoccupied with trying to understand Alice’s question, she stumbled over a root that stretched across the forest floor. Rosa cringed, barely recovering her footing before she hit the ground. “Well, that was smooth.”

  Now beside her, Alice couldn’t seem to hide her amusement. “No less smooth than bolting out of bed and into the woods as soon as I woke up this morning.”

  “Not sure I entirely agree, but I appreciate you trying to make me feel better.” She gave Alice a sidelong glance, winking to clarify that she wasn’t actually that mortified. “It’s nice to see you again, by the way. Really nice.”

  Alice’s smile grew, seemingly outside her conscious control. “You, too. Really.” She paused, then, turning her focus to the careful placement of her steps, repeated, “Why do you really want me to trust you?”

  Taken aback by the directness of the question—one whose answer seemed both obvious and potentially precarious—Rosa watched her own feet, careful not to misstep. She didn’t want to fall on her face, literally or figuratively. “As opposed to wanting you to feel freaked out by me?”

  Alice chuckled. Then she exhaled and looked over at Rosa, suddenly serious. “No, I mean…why do you care at all?”

  Rosa shrugged. Beyond the fact that she was a compassionate human being, she had many answers to that question. She thought Alice was pretty, if not downr
ight beautiful to her eyes. She was fun, when she relaxed. She also seemed like the least threatening person at camp, the one least likely to recognize Rosa for her social media infamy or mistreat her even if she did. And they’d bonded silently right from the start over their shared anxiety in the parking lot, at least from Rosa’s perspective. Also, that kiss.

  Discarding her last thought, Rosa said, “I told you, I need a friend on the inside.”

  Alice nodded slowly, as though trying to understand. “But you don’t seem to be having any trouble making friends.”

  Now it was Rosa’s turn to mull over Alice’s meaning. Had Alice seen Derek walk with her to the showers? Or spotted her eating breakfast with Bree? With nothing to hide, Rosa said, “I’ve been hit on twice this morning, if that’s what you mean. And yeah, Bree’s really nice, but frankly, I felt like you and I had a sort of connection…or something.” She paused to chew on her own words, instantly regretting them. By attempting to assuage Alice’s anxiety, she had made herself stupidly vulnerable—and come on way too strong. She sighed. Time to end simply. “I had fun last night. I like you.”

  It took Alice a minute to respond, her voice so quiet Rosa nearly missed it. “I like you, too.”

  Spotting a fallen tree in the distance, Rosa took a deep breath, grabbed the bottle of water from Alice’s right hand, and tangled their fingers together as casually as possible. “I see a place to sit. Over here.”

  “All right,” Alice murmured. They kept their hands linked until they reached the massive trunk, only breaking apart so that Rosa could help Alice climb up to perch on top. “Thanks.”

  Rosa clambered up beside her, grateful for the serene atmosphere and relative quiet of the forest. This was a perfect refuge from the riotously social atmosphere back at the main camp. Here, they could get to know each other better. Maybe even find their way back to where they’d been the night before. She opened her mouth to ask what Alice did for a living, but Alice surprised her by speaking first.

  “So, Lila…will you tell me a little more about yourself?” Having unpeeled her banana in two fluid, expert motions, Alice took a dainty nibble before actually managing to look Rosa in the eyes. She smiled, obviously still nervous. “I feel like I did most of the talking yesterday. I didn’t mean to.”

  If she hadn’t felt so awful about her continued deception—and the fact that she’d intentionally avoided revealing much about herself—Rosa would have laughed at the notion that Alice had done anything close to too much talking. Instead she sighed, pinched the bridge of her nose, and made a quick, gut-based decision she hoped would save her from—rather than cause—further regret. “No, Alice, you were perfect. Me, on the other hand…” Her fingers drifted to her upper lip to pick at the skin, an unpleasant tic she’d battled since childhood. “To tell you the truth, I actually…have a confession to make.”

  “What kind of confession?”

  Rosa wished she could better predict how Alice would react. Not only to the news that she’d given her a fake name, but also to the details of her unique social predicament. Right now Alice sounded curious, but not overly concerned. Would she take the subterfuge as a betrayal, or would she understand? Beyond that, would the knowledge that Rosa was regularly harassed by complete strangers to the point of sometimes fearing for her life send Alice running for real? Fuck yes, Rosa decided too late. Almost certainly.

  A tentative hand rested against the center of her back. “It’s all right. You can tell me, whatever it is. Really.”

  The kindness in Alice’s voice only made her feel worse. Eager to end the charade, Rosa blurted out, “I lied to you…to everyone. About my name, and…” She tried to remember what she had and hadn’t told Alice about herself. “Maybe some other stuff.”

  Alice’s reassuring touch disappeared, but she didn’t stand up and walk away. “Why?”

  It was impossible to read Alice’s reaction in a single syllable. Rosa curled in on herself, missing the warmth of the hand on her back. “I didn’t want anyone to recognize me.”

  “Should I recognize you?” Alice unwrapped her pancakes and set the paper towel aside, drawing Rosa’s attention to the fact that she was still eating. Which was a good sign, she supposed. “I have to admit, I’m not always good with putting names to faces.”

  “You won’t have any idea who I am unless you happen to follow the video-gaming press or Internet-based sex scandals.” Rosa’s heart thudded. What was she doing? Morning one and she had already violated the single most steadfast rule she’d made for this place. Rosa Salazar wasn’t supposed to exist at Camp Rewind. She’d vowed to leave Rosa at home with the rest of her problems. And still, for whatever reason, it felt suddenly, vitally important that Alice know who she really was. Even if the truth scared her away. “Eighteen months ago, I wrote an article for a popular website. A feminist criticism of an almost universally loved video game. Nothing too scathing, believe it or not. I even acknowledged that the game was occasionally fun to play, despite its rampant misogyny and racist clichés.”

  When she paused to breathe—and also to figure out how much she really planned to confess—Alice held out the bottle of apple juice. “Want a drink?”

  Her nonchalance helped Rosa relax enough to accept the offer. The cool liquid slid down her parched throat, easing the way for the rest of her explanation. “Thank you.”

  Alice studied her features carefully, as though seeing her for the first time. “Before you go on, will you tell me your real name?”

  “It’s Rosa.” She gave the bottle back, admiring the movement of Alice’s smooth, elegant throat as she swallowed a few sips of her own. “Rosa Salazar.”

  “Rosa,” Alice repeated in a murmur. “Pretty name.”

  “Thanks.” Unable to believe how well Alice was accepting the news of her dishonesty, Rosa exhaled in a rush. “I’m so sorry I let you call me Lila for so long. I never wanted to deceive you, personally. I just…”

  “You had your reasons.” Alice capped the juice bottle and balanced it on the tree between them, then looked up at Rosa with a sheepish smile. “I haven’t heard of you, by the way.”

  “I’m glad.” Too many people had seen her naked, intimately posed body without her consent already. It might have killed her if Alice had been one of them. “Don’t hang out much online?”

  “Not really. I mean, a few sites, but…” Sheepishness swiftly turned into what looked like mortification, as a blush swept across Alice’s face and colored her cheeks a deep, lovely pink. “But no gaming or pop culture or gossip sites at all, really.”

  Extremely curious about the websites Alice favored—and what made them so embarrassing to talk about—Rosa resisted the urge to turn the subject to a lighter topic. Now that she’d gone down this conversational road, she was keen to reach the end of it as quickly as possible. If Alice was going to be horrified or grossed out or simply turned off by who she was, Rosa wanted it to happen sooner rather than later. It would hurt either way, but the more time they spent together, the more agonizing the prospect of rejection inevitably became.

  Rosa’s throat tightened as she pushed ahead. “Well, if you don’t hang out on the Internet, you may not realize how toxic an environment it can be. Especially, sometimes, for women with opinions. In my case, I pissed off a lot of very passionate gamers, most of them grown men old enough to know better. My worst critics spent months drumming up a hate campaign against me. Thousands of nasty comments were left on my article, some of them completely horrific. Death threats, rape threats, you name it. They sent emails to my boyfriend at the time, to my mother, my father, even my brother. Then my personal information got published online. The address of the apartment where I was living, my cell-phone number, every email address I’d ever created.” She couldn’t bear to glance over at Alice, to see how horrified she was by each additional revelation. “Eventually my cloud storage got hacked. I’d taken a few nude photos years before for an ex-boyfriend and made this video…” She realized that this
was the first time she’d had to tell anyone what had happened to her. Everyone in her life at the time had found out simply because they were online and connected to her in various ways. Alice was the only new friend she’d made since the entire nightmare began, which made the thought of driving her away with this ugliness too painful to bear. “They said they wanted to expose my hypocrisy. How dare I criticize their favorite game’s sex and nudity while being such a whore myself?”

  Alice’s hand returned to her back to rub slow circles, causing Rosa’s eyes to well up and spill over.

  “I’m so sorry,” Alice murmured. “That’s awful. I can’t imagine having something so private shared with the world.”

  “I was painfully ignorant back then,” Rosa muttered. She dried her tears, ashamed she’d ever allowed them to fall. “When I filmed that video, I had no concept that my dirty little secrets would be easily available to anyone who hated me enough to hunt them down.”

  Alice gave her a consoling pat. “On the plus side, people tend to have short attention spans. Especially online, or so I’m told. Surely the worst of the fallout has blown over by this point?”

  Surprised by Alice’s calm, level-headed reasoning—not to mention her more-confident-than-ever tone—Rosa finally reestablished tentative eye contact. Alice patted her encouragingly and shot her a sweet smile. Undeniably tickled by their role reversal, Rosa said, “You feel less intimidated by me now, don’t you?”

  Alice had the grace to at least look apologetic. “Not in a bad way.”

  “No?”

  Alice began to gather her trash. Despite the difficult conversation, she’d eaten her entire breakfast. “Not at all. I feel like I know you better, like you trust me, which makes me trust you.” She flashed a grin that caused Rosa’s heart to momentarily pause. “Thank you for being honest. I can see it wasn’t easy.”